This is some of my step 1 work. I put it out there so that 1) I have put the honesty of my disease out there, it is here for all to see. I am no longer willing to hide this disease. I am no longer willing to hide behind it. This is who I am, I am a coe (compulsive overeater) FA (food addict). These are my triggers, let me hide them from noone. Hiding makes me sick and I no longer want to be sick. 2) Seeing what triggers me may help others learn what triggers them. I spent decades trying to figure out what did & didn't work for me. I never knew "wheat" could be a trigger. That accidental discovery has relieved me of a lot of pain & bingeing. If someone can see one food/or act that is a trigger for them that they had not previously recognized and helps them....if something I experienced can help them for one minute, maybe then all this pain was worth it. There are lots of triggers, I am still discovering them. Flour I have discovered is not a trigger for me.......only wheat is. Whole food or in flour form... wheat gets me anytime. But rice/tapioca/corn flour, has no trigger effect on me at all (thank God!) Of course I realize that could always change. As part of my daily step 10 I honestly look at my foods to see if any foods are triggering me. There was one item for instance that bothered me for awhile but now no longer does. I discovered a "tweak" I needed to make (no sugar added soymilk) and then I was fine. The important thing for me is that I am willing to honestly evaluate my food plan daily and make adjustments accordingly. If it is a trouble food, it needs to go! Once I found foods that worked for me, I stuck to them for awhile. Then every once in a while I add a food & see if it triggers me. If it doesn't, it's now in my food plan. If it does, it is OUT!

My Binge Foods (Foods I can't just have one serving of, foods I crave/obsess about)

Ice cream
pastries/cakes/desserts
bread made with wheat
Iciing
Wheat
sugar
sauces
cheese
candy & snack foods (junk food)
soda & fruit juice (liquid sugar)
butter
most dairy foods
roasted or salted nuts
fast foods
restaurant foods
special occasion foods



Trigger Foods (foods that trigger me to eat more of other foods and go to my binge foods. Even if the food is "healthy" & I can eat just one serving....it will trigger me to eat volume & binge later. Some foods are so powerful for me they make both lists.)

Ice Cream (this includes soy ice cream)
Wheat
Soda
Dessert
Butter
Cheese
Sugar
Roasted &/or salted nuts
Salty foods
restaurant foods
homemade foods at gatherings
special occasion foods

Most Difficult Times for me to be abstinent:

-after work & before bed
-holidays
-away from home
-amusement parks, picnics, vacations
-around family gatherings
-when I'm alone

What triggers me to eat?

-seeing my father always triggers me to binge afterwards
-having a bad or stressful day (especially after work)
-late afternoon & evenings
-movies
-one bite of sugar or wheat
-sugar drinks (soda/juice)
-celebrations & holidays (especially with my family of origin)
-driving by (seeing) fast food places & restaurants
-sight of pastries/desserts
-grocery stores (certain sections)
-when I'm depressed
-when I'm anxious or worried or stressed
-if something bad happens
-if something really good happens
-seeing others eat
-smelling food
-being around other "in the food" people (coe/fa)
-amusement parks
-seeing others eat w/impunity foods I cannot have (and be abstinent)
-old binge haunts
-0ld binge people
-commercials
-opportunity (this is a big one!)

How often do I eat when I am non-abstinent?
Non-stop! It is rare for an hour to go by without me eating. I binge at every opportunity. That means keeping late hours (everyone in bed) so I can binge. My closet became my binge pantry as well as my car. I would buy two meals & go grocery shopping with foods I could eat in front of others & foods I would hide & eat later. On the way home I would stop & eat my restaurant foods so I could eat "normally" (normal eating in my family is way overeating by the way) in front of everyone. When they went to bed I would binge again. Yes, I would hide entire ice cream cakes in my closet. I was a miracle worker with that. My self will found a way to hide ice cream cakes in non-refridgeration. What a miracle worker I was! There were months where I ate an entire ice cream cake everyday. And that was just a snack!

My plan of eating: (very simple)
-no binge or trigger foods
-no second helpings (I allow second salad green helpings but now that I have been relieved of the obsession....I never do).


For weight loss:

-I shoot to have 600 calorie meals or less.....3 times a day with 100 calorie snacks if neccessary to keep the blood sugar steady & hunger at bay. I eat whole, healthy foods.
-I walk at least 1/2 hr each day as per dr. instructions.

I very rarely eat snacks anymore as my body has adjusted to 3 meals a day. And the obsession with food has been relieved. I am so eternally grateful. But the abstinence is the important part. It is black & white & very simple. No binge or trigger foods & no second helpings as volume is part of the disease for me. The calorie limits help me with weight loss but are really guides for me as to portion sizes as I am a coe & am not good with that. Quite frankly, who IS good with portion sizes in this country? But I use that as a guide as I am not willing to give myself a bat to beat myself up with. I am a firm believer that your abstinence has to be black & white (as coe & fa we are wayyyyy to good at fooling ourselves) but we also have to be gentle on ourselves too. Our caloric needs may change from day to day & guilt is NOT a good motivator. As a coe/fa I have beat myself up enough for several lifetimes. I refuse to do it anymore.