I wanted to share a little bit about my step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. I have to believe in a power greater than myself having the ability to restore me to sanity because I have done a piss poor job of it! But I had a lot of "bad" feelings toward God. I wanted to follow the 12 step plan because I knew it worked. I've seen it work so often. So this time around in program I really gave in and followed the steps. The AA Big Book said if you had ideas about God that didn't work for you & your recovery, than scrap em! Throw them in the trash & make a new God, Higher Power that can and will work for you. Even if you don't believe it, do it. If you want what we have follow our direction. So even though I didn't see how it could work, I did it. I scrapped the Christian God that was punishing a patriarchal & decided on a new definition for HP. I see my HP as both a God & Goddess. Possessing the attributes I admire in males & females. I needed to feel the presence of my Gods and needed to give them a face so they wouldn't be some amorphous being or force, but a personal God. The Goddess was easy to see. She needed to be nuturing & earthy but fiercly protective of me. Beautiful & strong & vibrant.......alive and real. I choose an actresses face to represent my Goddess, as she possesed all these attributes. Ironically I saw a tv show later in which she played, you guessed it, a Goddess. Some might think it is silly to have the face of someone be a Goddess, but in the Big Book it says a chair can be your God if you choose. You have to choose a God of your understanding. You have to be willing to believe. The actual believing & trust will come later.

I have issues with men so I choose the God to be represented by a very unassuming man. He is handsome though as I wanted to see me God as a possible consort. He exhibits the qualities of a man I would like to be with: strong, intelligent, confident, funny, endearing & kind. Above all....kind. He too has the face of an actor.

I can honestly say picturing my Gods in my mind, talking to them, hearing them talk & advise me....truly have helped me believe and to trust....again. I guess what I'm saying is follow the big book, follow the steps. They work and they bring peace to troubled minds.

Blessings,


Amy