I have heard that addictions are a coping mechanism. They are behaviors you adopt to help you cope with life circumstances. Like many coe & fa who have struggled with obesity, I was a victim of molestation. Also like
many molestation & rape victims I had multiple offenders. I don't say this in a blaming way, as I am not even angry at most of my offenders any more. I say it because I needed to come to grips with this, discuss it, put it out there, heal, and move on.

When my parents divorced (I think I was around 12) I saw my father (with my 2 younger brothers) every other weekend. I very clearly remember an incident that occured on my last overnight stay with my father.

My father lived with a gentleman (I never met him) who was out of town. Perfect opportunity for my father to have his children over for the night (he slept on this friends couch). I remember my two brothers falling asleep (one on the couch....one on the floor) by each other. My father and I slept on the floor by each other. I remember him touching me and whispering to me about how much I looked like my mother (whom he was still in love with.....he did not want the divorce). I don't remember where he touched me, I just have no memory of that. I do remember feeling very uncomfortable and feeling that something was wrong. I remember getting up and locking myself in the other mans bedroom and I wouldn't open or unlock the door until the next morning when I heard my brothers were up and awake. I went home that visit & told my mom what happened (although I don't remember exactly....think I just told her what I'm telling you). She told me I never had to visit my father again. I didn't see my father much after that over the next 10 years. I don't remember exactly what happened, just that what he said was inappropriate and felt way too intimate. I don't think anything happened. But it colored the way I looked at my father forever.

My mother shortly thereafter married my stepfather. He was a child molester. He was caught molesting his eldest daughter by his first wife. I know because I was there when my mother was told by her. Perhaps my mother thought this was sour grapes. But for the next several years my stepfather molested me.....often in front of my mother. He french kissed me daily & felt my breasts as well as made lewd comments in front of me. We also watched pornography together as a family. My stepfather never had sex with me (thank God) although I saw him naked plenty and can describe his penis in detail. He also molested my friends....who would visit once and then never come over again. This really isolated me. My mother to this day is in denial of this and swears she never saw any of this even though it happened in front of her daily. Thank God I have on occasion talked to old girlfriends who without prompting brought up these incidences. I was beginning to think I was making it up until one girlfriend said she should be paid for my stepfather molesting her. If it wasn't for her bringing this up, I think I wouldv'e believed I was crazy. I was oversexulized as a result of this....and I know that is where my sex addiction (especially to pornography) and my food addiction (eating to obestiy) are rooted in. I am not angry at my stepfather. He molested others after me, including his grandson....who later was arrested (as a child) as a sex offender. My stepfather later admitted to raping & killing several girls but was found to be innocent but mentally ill & hospitalized several times. He has bipolar disorder and after many years of back on & off medicating....he developed serious mental disorders. He is literally crazy. I don't blame him but a society that allows such sick people to interact with others and doesn't help them. He should have been instutionalized decades ago.

I also had very inappropriate boundry issues with my mother. Of all the people I still blame (and I will have to do some serious step work regarding this) it's her. I was her only daughter & felt I should have been protected by her. While she never did anything sexual to me (ever) she sexualized me at a very young age by introducing inappropriate sexual companions of hers into my life. Not just my stepfather, but lovers she had before him. Once I had a 14 year old boy ask me out on a date....which I thought was weird because he was a couple of years older than me & I didn't know him. I turned him down (I knew I was too young to date). But the next thing I knew.....he was dating my married mother. Ralph & my mother would be making out in front of me & my brothers in our kitchen when my fathers car pulled up....then Ralph would run out the back. Ralph was a "second father" and in charge of us when mom was not around. It is very hard to respect your mother when she is married & fooling around with a child. Especially when said child bosses you around and acts like your parent. Mother billed Ralph as a problem child & when Dad took us to play ball on weekends....Ralph would come to. This put us 3 children in a very bad position....having to pretend with Dad that we didn't know mom & Ralph were lovers. The situation made us complicit & liars. it was a very traumatic situation. I think this is enough for now.