A Lesson In Problem Solving

I need to vent!!! So here I am! Sharing with all of you! (There's got to be at least 2 of you....right?) It was regarding statements made after a meeting. Someone who thinks for some reason I will never understand that they seem to be the authority on OA. I believe this person thinks that because they are a part of a certain organization (which anybody can be a part of) that they know more than others. It is ironic that this knowledgeble person is always around to comment on what others say to newcomers & yet is noticeably absent when newcomers have questions. Very irritating. Particularly irritating when this person happens to be wrong!! This wasn't regarding an opinion issue (such as what constitutes "abstinence") but on an issue regarding meeting protocol, which happens to be written in black & white.....(ok....blue & a type of cream but you get the idea!) Anyway....they make a smart ass remark & I keep my mouth shut because I happen to not remember exactly where the proof is (ok, this is my old law training taking over).....so anyway, what do I do? I go & find (after the fact) exactly where this was stated & read it & yup....sure enough, I was right. Right there (tradition ten implementation in fact....example & everything) and then what did I do with that info? Well I logged back in to where these two were & yes....1/2 hr after the fact I was going to say....."Oh, by the way....if you go to lines 5-10 under section so and so there is where it says that!! HaHa!! " And would that have been the grown up recovery way of handling the situation........uh.....NO! So I quickly X'd out of the screen. How did I handle it?? Well, I'm here venting because I am pissed off! Need to honestly acknowledge that emotion & deal with it (not throw pink paint on it & pretend it doesn't exist....might as well eat if that's how I would handle it!) Secondly, I gave it to my HP jar. That's a jar that sits on my desk (so I see it everyday). When I have a problem that I have done everything I can do about it & requires nothing more from me but I am still stressed over it, I write it down & give it to my HP...then I forget about it. Third, I wrote this down on my step 4 resentment list (hey guys, you made my first entry!! This time around anyway!) Fourth, (should have been first!) I prayed about it. I found that I was very grateful to my HP for giving me so many tools to deal with my problems & anxities. I am also grateful for these "miniscule" resentments so that I learn how to work a better program. (It is good practice for when the biggies come, and they will!) Also it got me immediately started on my fourth step (I just got this from my sponsor today). So all in all, a really good time as I am learning and growing. I know there were always be people who need to make others feel little so they can feel big...sometimes I am one of those people!! But I no longer feel little, because I am working a good program. And that gives me healthy self-esteem & pride as opposed to "ego" pride. I feel much better now. I see that I was angry because I didn't have "the proof" immediately and felt I was unable to stick up for myself until I did. That anger was compounded when long after the incident I did indeed find the proof I wanted (which just made me feel worse....like I missed my opportunity to show them). Also there is the fact that they may not have been referring to me at all in their comments (that magnifying glass I have in my brain could have misread the situation after all) . But this all shows growth. Rather than reacting in anger (and having to make amends) I have done the things I needed to do to grow into a better person...progress, not perfection. As for the two making comments (and who knows if they were referring to me) it doesn't matter. It is none of my business what other people think of me. When it comes to what people think my responsibility ends where my bony cranium does. Outside of my body, I have no control. I give that to HP and allow others to do as they wish. Ahhhhhhhhhhh....now I am at peace. I feel whole again and have no holes to fill with any of my drugs. This really is how program works. First you learn to apply the 12 steps & traditions in the rooms, and then extend it outwards. As far as "teaching" someone something....also not my job. I will always extend the hand & heart of OA/AA by sharing my experience, strength & hope to those who care to listen. To those who don't, they need to find their own way. I did a 12 step reach out today & reached out to a newcomer noone else bothered to talk to. I kept my head about me & didn't mouth off to anyone. I learned a big lesson. I wrote another blog (always a good thing!) and officially started my step 4. All in all a very good day!

Thanks for reading & talk with you later!!

Amy