When I moved out on my own I was able to eat unlimited quantities of food without any repercussions, so I thought. I became so heavy I developed serious foot and knee problems. The fatty pads on my heels tore open and I could barely walk. I wasn’t even 25, and I was walking with a cane. I lived by myself on the third floor of an apartment building. It was all I could do to haul myself up the stairs. Taking up bags of groceries became out of the question. I could no longer clean my apartment either. It became a disaster area. I stood long enough only to do dishes for the current meal. Usually I only cooked cheap pasta dishes out of desperation. I would eat an entire box of pasta for a meal. It wouldn’t even fill me. But I did that only when there were no credit cards to charge on. What I preferred was to call a take out delivery service that would pick up one or two meals at 2 or 3 of my favorite restaurants. They would bring them to me and I would just charge it….easy. They even came with their own bags for the garbage it created…that was why I parked near the garbage dump. I was too heavy to stand after awhile and food just rotted in my apartment. Maggots and cockroaches soon followed. My bathtub developed a clog that wouldn’t clear and the toilet broke. I was too embarrassed to have maintanence come and fix it. After all, I was too fat to clean the apartment. I developed a very smelly foot fungus that ran people from the room. My armpits smelled like sour bread from all the flour & sugar I ate as it decomposed and rotted in my body. My liver could no longer process the toxins out of my body. I didn’t see doctors anymore. I became angry and infuriated every time they suggested the obvious… I should lose weight. Were they stupid….if I could I would. Did they think I was stupid? Did they think I didn’t know I was fat?
Truth be told I had no idea how bad the situation had gotten. If someone snuck a photograph of me I would stare in disbelief and horror. Who was that blob in the photograph. That couldn’t be me. I was disfigured beyond recognition. Where was that pretty but chubby girl of my youth? She was gone, smothered by unlimited quantities of fat and sugar.