I went to face to face AA meetings since OA was not available in my area. I’m grateful for this opportunity to attend strong meetings with lots of recovery. I eventually started my own OA meetings. Then someone else started an OA meeting. While technically I am an alcoholic and drug addict, my real drug of choice was always food so I started to attend OA meetings primarily.

My life changed, and it changed dramatically. I realized, looking back at an old OA workbook I had, that I had never really taken step 1. I knew I had a problem with food, but I didn’t believe I was powerless. I thought that if I ever had control over food, then I wasn’t powerless. If I dieted successfully for even one day, then I did have power over food. Besides, if I was truly powerless, that meant I had no control over food. So I could binge at will. That meant my whole program was faulty from the beginning, I never had a chance. I read something that really helped me with this. This woman said I was powerless over what my drug, food, did to me once I ingested it. That was a totally different story. I wasn’t powerless over whether I took that first compulsive bite….I was only powerless over what that bite would do to me when it was inside my body. Powerful hormones and chemicals took over and from there I had no control over what happened. My mind would go to obsessive places fueled by these hormones and chemicals. Once I ingested my drug of choice, I was truly powerless. Knowledge is power, now I had the knowledge that would help me move towards step 2.

When I came into program I believed in God, and I hated him. I wanted nothing to do with God. I would go off on angry tirades every time someone at a meeting mentioned how good or great their God was. My sponsor was gentle and helped me work step 2. Step 2 saved my butt. Finding a HP that worked for me and wanted me abstinent made this program work for me. At first I had only hope. Then I gradually gained the most miniscule amount of faith. That faith grew and blossomed. Now I have faith that moves mountains. I have my sponsor to thank for that.

Once I had a HP I had a decision to make, to turn my will and life over to my HP as I knew Her. I knew once I made this decision there was no turning back. The BB says that once we take this step we cannot fail to recover. I know that is because it is never ever my HP’s will for me to live in an obsessed, self-obsessed, drugged up, strung out, self-imposed stupor. Never. My Hp cannot have me do Her Will, if I am in a food coma. It is my Hp’s will that I do Her Will, and that means I have to show up for life. I cannot show up for life if I am in the food. Once I truly take step 3, I will recover, period, end of statement. Dramatic pause.