Today was weigh day. Here is where I am at. 5'11" and 195.2 lbs & 36.5% body fat. Yes, I lost 5 lbs from last month. I must say I am a little dissapointed. Everyone the past few weeks has been commenting on how I look like I lost weight every time they saw me. I wasn't feeling big loss (I can usually feel it) but I have been working out a lot so I thought, "hey, everyone else sees it so it must be true". So I was hoping for 190 & was a little dissapointed at 195. Of course, I have changed the shape of my body a lot through working out and put on muscle which is good. And 5 lbs a month is very good for this stage of weight loss for me so I need to get over it. But this brings up the reason I decided to blog today....resentments. I am feeling a lot of resentments. And the Big Book says resentments are the #1 offender so I am going to do a 5th step with this blog and share with myself, another human being (your human out there....right?) and God the exact nature of my wrongs. Here is my list of current resentments:
my mother (I am feeling smothered by her)
my mother & father (who seem to have everything they want while I seriously financially struggle)
my job (I am not getting enough time off)
Tina & Vicki at work (who abused taking time off & now every minute is being counted for them....and me!)
my weight & excess skin (I'm done with you....go away already)
money (I want more please! I need a car so I can go to recovery places & the yoga ashram....I want to go places and I need a reliable car that is mine to do them in)
me (why can't you get me more money!)
My OA brethern (why can't you be more faithful & attend meetings??? I get scared when you don't show up. I will die without meetings and meetings need people who regularly attend. I need you to get it together and commit to recovery and meetings. Also, service keeps you going. I know....I do a lot of it. I would like you to chip in too!)

OK....I think that is enough resentment today. I see a lot of fear in there too. Fear of not having enough money. Fear of losing OA and my OA friends. Fear of not being able to do the things I want to do in life.

Gotta go to work now. Another day, another $100.