I've been wanting to write about this situation and subject but didn't know how to start it off! Then someone asked me if they should define mistakenly eating a food as a break in their abstinence. Here was my reply (and something I've been wanting to write about!)
Can I answer this with a story???
I went for a walk in the woods a few weeks ago. This was a real big deal
for me as it was my first hike since my knee surgery. I was very nervous.
Also it probably wasn't the smartest move in the world as the path was
very wet & slick, very muddy. In fact it was so bad as to make the path
impassable at one point & I had to turn around & go back the way I came.
So at one point I slipped....but I caught myself before I fell. I was
laughing out loud at me, the dog, the woods. I actually said out loud to
the trees, "what a nightmare that would have been! Thank God I only
slipped and didn't fall!" I stopped myself cold in my tracks. When I
said those words I thought I was talking about the horrid mud that would
have been caked all over me. Walking back to my car for miles freezing
cold and wet. It was a potentially serious and dangerous situation.
Instead I realized I was talking about my abstinence.
I had been contemplating a story I read (I think it was in Abstinence)
about how someone defined a break in abstinence. I have been gratefully
blessed with no slippery slopes in this abstinence but I wanted to prepare
myself mentally for the future. What would be a break? What is only a
slip? What is the difference?
That moment....that could have been a disastrous & life changing fall was
one of those rare moments of clarity for me. A slip is not a fall. A
slip is NOT A BREAK in abstinence. A slip is the recognition that I can
do better, but I DID NOT FALL! There is no point in setting myself up for
failure by throwing myself on the ground hard and rolling in the mud just
because I almost fell!!!!! I didn't fall, I SLIPPED! Could it lead to a
fall? Sure, it could....but it didn't. Instead I steadied myself, was a
little more careful about my footing the rest of the hike. Played it
safer than normal for awhile. And guess what, I didn't slip or fall the
rest of the hike. A slip, a fall, a jump off a building.....they really
are different things. Sanity is recognizing a slip for what it was, being
grateful I didn't fall, not jumping off the nearest building because I had
a slip.....but just continuing the walk, maybe play it safe for a little
while until I get my footing feeling sure again, but continuing the
journey. Dear dear ******, a slip is not a fall, you didn't break
anything. You stumbled, it happens, we are human. Feel the love I have
for you (that all of us have for you) reaching out to you and know that
you are perfect right now, in this moment, the way your HP created you.
You are not a mistake. Don't beat yourself up, don't punish yourself.
You deserve better, you ARE better. You didn't break your abstinence.
Continue on with the journey and give up the illusion you have to have a
perfect abstinence or you are a failure. A slip is not a fall.
HUGS to YOU!!!!
Amy