This is another loop response....hope it makes sense out of context.
When I used to give in to cravings it didn't feel like the supreme
sacrifice. It felt like salvation.
When I was coe I was so into the disease that black was white & up was
down. I didn't see that I was giving up health, happiness, & sanity for a
piece of ********. Instead I thought I was having a small piece of heaven
on a plate. I could not be convinced otherwise.
I truly feel I was given a miracle when I got abstinent. Getting off my
binge foods once & for all gave me clarity I had not had for 30 years. It
was as if I lived in some bizzarro world & this thin bizzarro film had
covered my eyes. Everyone else saw & lived in the real world, but not me.
Then one day my HP took the film off of my eyes & I finally saw the world
everyone had been describing & telling me THEY lived in. I know
desperation got me abstinent...but it does seem as if there was some
missing ingredient that I just can't put my finger on.
There is nothing today worth giving up my abstinence for. I do say that
is for today.
I don't have "cravings" like I used to. I occasionally want "to eat"
large quantities....which is a different type of craving. I believe that
is an emotional craving. But the physical "I'm gonna die if I don't have
XYZ simply doesn't happen anymore. I believe that is because eating
certain substances actually have a biochemical reaction in my body that
causes the cravings. Since I don't eat those substances anymore I don't
have cravings for certain foods. I handle the craving for "more food" by
distracting myself & working the program. I don't eat....no matter what.
I just don't have it in me to face a "fight" everyday. So instead I
prepare myself by arming myself against the disease. I do this by having
a sponsor, going to lots of meetings, reading a lot of recovery
literature, writing, doing service, working the steps, reaching out to
other coe's. They say the best offense is a good defense. I hope to have
so much defense I scare the crap out of this disease! Let it go pick on
someone else it has a better chance against. I'm armed to the teeth!
Thanks for letting me share,
Amy
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