This is another loop response:
I am sending this to the loop because I believe their are probably a lot of people with these questions. This is just my opinion of course....take what you like & leave the rest.
This is where the 12 step program comes into action. You can't take away your addictive substance....and leave a huge hole in your life. You need to fill that hole with something else. For me it was an enormous hole. Eating, planning to eat, obsessive thinking took up huge amounts of my time & energy. I believe you need to put at least that much time & effort into your recovery as you did into your addiction.
I can write a list of a hundred things to do rather than eat. Some are passive....some are active, to fit any mood & situation. If you WANT to stay abstinent you will have a plan to succeed....if you don't have a plan, you are planning to fail. If you don't want to be abstinent, no list will help you. The excuses to use are just too easy & numerous when you want to use. There is a big difference in my opinion between wanting to be abstinent & sticking to a diet (to lose/gain weight). The big difference is that abstinence gives you something to do with your time. Meetings, phoning, talking to your sponsor, doing stepwork....etc. A diet is just a list of things you can eat. A food plan differs in that it is a freedom plan, it defines what will keep you free of the obsession & what won't.
I know it's unfathomable to you right now....but I can help you with your feelings. FEEL THEM! Don't run from. I spent a lifetime running from them...it is one of the reasons I used addictive substances, to escape feelings, especially anxiety. Trust me, feeling your feelings will NOT kill you. They are just feelings, they pass, they fade. Feelings are not facts & they don't have to be acted on. Learning to feel them & learning to deal with them constructively and in healthy ways is one of the main benefits of working the 12 step program. It's what makes OA different than a diet club. Here are a few program acronyms. Before program I lived in F.E.A.R. Fear everything and run. After program I Face Everything And Recover.
I also would prefer to not eat sometimes rather than risk a binge. I don't though....because that black & white thinking is part of the disease (which is trying to kill you by the way.) Starving yourself (not feeding your body the way a normal person does) is just the other side of the food addiction coin. Overeating, undereating...same disease, different face. I keep myself from both faces of the disease via my food plan. My food plan (which I committed to my sponsor) states I don't eat over a certain amount of food at a meal or daily, & it also stipulates I don't eat under a certain amount. This is freedom for me because I don't have to think about it or worry & stress over whether I should or shouldn't eat. I look at my plan...what does it say? Don't go more than X amount of hours without food. Don't eat more than X. Don't eat less than X. The freedom of not having to worry about what I need to do.
I don't allow myself to use excuses like "I don't know what to eat" or "I don't have anything abstinent to eat". I have set meals I can fall back on anytime, no thought involved. If I worry what am I going to eat or find myself searching the fridge & cupboards I stop myself....have the XYZ meal, you know that's abstinent. I make meals & freeze them just in case. I always make sure I have abstinent food in the house. It is part of my plan...I plan to succeed so I don't fail. My disease will look for any excuse, I try to cut it off at the pass. Perhaps planning your meals the night before & committing them to your sponsor will be necessary.
The meeting is a place where you can share your thoughts, feelings, & experiences. One shouldn't comment on another persons share at meetings. The time for "interaction" is before & after meetings. The meeting is a safe place to share where you know no-one will comment on words or actions. This is a safe place that doesn't exist for a lot of us in the real world. Even positive comments & feedback can have a negative effect on us. I don't know how many times I would give myself permission to binge when someone would compliment me on my weight loss. That was all my disease needed to convince me I could eat again now....I had succeeded! Thanking someone for sharing is to acknowledge them for their share. Not commenting on the share positively or negatively is a gift of freedom for us all so we feel we can share what we need to in a meeting.
I am a gutter coe, but still, not everything I put in my mouth is a time bomb. There are certain foods I have never binged on. The act of eating is a trigger for me but that is why I have specified amounts on my food plan. If I can't eat a food without triggering the "time bomb", than that is not a food I can eat safely. Therefore it goes on my binge or trigger list that I enacted in step one. I don't eat time bombs anymore. Alcoholics drink everyday, but they don't drink alcohol. Compulsive overeaters need to eat everyday too, but they don't eat their binge & trigger foods if they want to stay sane, useful, happy, and free from the obsession.
The place to look for answers is in the program. Go to the meetings and LISTEN. Get a sponsor & program buddies/friends to interact with when you aren't in a meeting. Keep reading the loop mail & when you graduate join other loops. Go to f2f meetings if they have them in your area & write down everybody's phone number. Call them when you want to interact. Read lots of OA literature. There is soooooooooo much to do to help yourself get better. You've made a BIG start! Sending these questions to the loop was a brave step and I bet your disease is NOT happy with you right now. In fact it is probably incensed that you dared asked for help. It is probably trying to convince you that you don't need anybody's help! Recognize that voice now because it is your disease trying to get you. Keep coming back and don't leave until the miracle of freedom from compulsive overeating happens for you!
P.S. (I bet food isn't the ONLY thing that makes you feel good. Your disease just wants you to think that. It's a trap. If nothing else makes you feel good why bother trying to live differently? Don't believe your disease...it's a liar!)
A few things to do other than coe.
-go for a walk
-take a bath
-brush your teeth
-calls a program friend or someone on the buddy list to make a new one
-write a letter
-watch TV/movie
-play a computer game
-brush your dog
-write a gratitude list
-read an engrossing book (not a cookbook!)
-read OA literature
-write an email on your loop
-clean your room/house
-call/write your sponsor
-do some step work
-pray
-do something nice for someone & don't let them find out who did it
-play solitaire
I bet you can add another 50 things to this list! Good luck on your recovery journey!
Love,
Amy