Now don’t get the idea I didn’t fight this thing, I did. There were many diets and self-help books. I did Nutri-system for awhile and lost weight. The small portions meant weight loss was a definite. Unfortunately for me the food fed my sugar habit and it was inevitable that I would lose control and binge again. That eventually happened on all my diets. Portion control alone for me was no good. If I ingested any refined or processed sugar, it was only a matter a time before I binged. Once my body had a taste, it was a done deal. Try letting a cokehead have one snort. Or an alcoholic just one drink. Sure, they may be able to last awhile, but eventually the call was just too strong.

I gained every single pound back I ever lost on every diet, and more. The worst part though was that dieting seemed to feed the obsession. Before long my whole day existed only for the nighttime binge bliss. I counted, and binged my way through the day waiting for nighttime when everyone would be asleep. I would hide non-refrigerated foods behind the couch. Refrigerated foods would be hidden in the back of the freezer. If something was too big to hide I would share, but only if I had to. I would by multiples of all my binge foods and hide them around the house. That way if I was caught bingeing on xyz and ate the whole thing I would have more to replace it and cover up my gluttony. I was forever going to different grocery stores to replace the food I had stolen. I was so embarrassed to face the grocery store, convenience stores clerks, and fast food workers everyday buying the same binge foods over and over. What did they think of me? I would try to rotate the stores and restaurants. But there was only so much rotation, especially when I required, NEEDED particular binge foods just to make it through my day. I lived my life in embarrassment. I was shunned and made fun of by total strangers, and even my own loved ones.