Pain is a feeling, but it can lessen. You have to be willing to let the pain go. Safe is a spot in
your head, an idea that you nurture. No one in this world lives in a space
where they are untouchable, invincible, or without pain. Pain is and
always will be a part of life. Pain can be good, it can let us know we
are alive. It can also let us know when something is not working for us
and we need to let it go. Pain can help us learn to move away from the
thing that causes us pain. Pain is our greatest teacher.
You can't change the factual past. But you can change the future by the
choices you make today. You can also change the way you feel about past
events. Recovery in the 12 step program will help you with this. Please
stick around in these rooms....you will find hope here. You will learn to
build a safe place to exist in your head, that place is often called "God"
or "Higher Power" in the program....but you can call it whatever you want.
I have had a lot of bad things happen to me too. I no longer allow them
to define me or my existence. I am no longer going to be a victim. Oh
someone can do something horrible to me. They can choose to do something
against my will. But I am the one who will define it for me. I will
define how it will affect me. That is the way out of victimhood. We are
powerless over the circumstances of life. But we are all powerful when it
comes to OUR actions, OUR beliefs & ideas, and yes, we are even all
powerful over OUR pain. We can change it, mold it, lessen it, accept it.
No one will be able to wave a magick wand and make the pain disappear.
But I promise you, it can become manageable. You can also take the power
of that awful moment away, the power of the person who hurt you away, by
not allowing that one moment in time to define you the rest of your life.
What happened to me happened. I realize now the men who hurt me were
very, very sick individuals. What happens to them, in their lives, isn't
my problem or concern however. But viewing them as sick rather than evil,
helped me to see that there was nothing wrong with me. I was not a bad
person to get chosen for something so awful to happen. I was an easy
victim, I was a child. But now I am an adult. I choose strength. There
are so many things that define me. I will choose not to allow events I
couldn't control define me any longer. Instead I will choose to allow the
strength I have to overcome define me. I am not a victim....I AM A
WARRIORESS. I AM POWERFUL. I AM FREE! I CHOOSE MY LIFE.
Please keep coming back. Things will change, they always do. If you work
the program, I promise, they will change for the better. Let your HP as
YOU define Him/Her/It hold you like no human can.
Love to you on your recovery journey,
Amy

I've been wanting to write about this situation and subject but didn't know how to start it off! Then someone asked me if they should define mistakenly eating a food as a break in their abstinence. Here was my reply (and something I've been wanting to write about!)
Can I answer this with a story???
I went for a walk in the woods a few weeks ago. This was a real big deal
for me as it was my first hike since my knee surgery. I was very nervous.
Also it probably wasn't the smartest move in the world as the path was
very wet & slick, very muddy. In fact it was so bad as to make the path
impassable at one point & I had to turn around & go back the way I came.
So at one point I slipped....but I caught myself before I fell. I was
laughing out loud at me, the dog, the woods. I actually said out loud to
the trees, "what a nightmare that would have been! Thank God I only
slipped and didn't fall!" I stopped myself cold in my tracks. When I
said those words I thought I was talking about the horrid mud that would
have been caked all over me. Walking back to my car for miles freezing
cold and wet. It was a potentially serious and dangerous situation.
Instead I realized I was talking about my abstinence.
I had been contemplating a story I read (I think it was in Abstinence)
about how someone defined a break in abstinence. I have been gratefully
blessed with no slippery slopes in this abstinence but I wanted to prepare
myself mentally for the future. What would be a break? What is only a
slip? What is the difference?
That moment....that could have been a disastrous & life changing fall was
one of those rare moments of clarity for me. A slip is not a fall. A
slip is NOT A BREAK in abstinence. A slip is the recognition that I can
do better, but I DID NOT FALL! There is no point in setting myself up for
failure by throwing myself on the ground hard and rolling in the mud just
because I almost fell!!!!! I didn't fall, I SLIPPED! Could it lead to a
fall? Sure, it could....but it didn't. Instead I steadied myself, was a
little more careful about my footing the rest of the hike. Played it
safer than normal for awhile. And guess what, I didn't slip or fall the
rest of the hike. A slip, a fall, a jump off a building.....they really
are different things. Sanity is recognizing a slip for what it was, being
grateful I didn't fall, not jumping off the nearest building because I had
a slip.....but just continuing the walk, maybe play it safe for a little
while until I get my footing feeling sure again, but continuing the
journey. Dear dear ******, a slip is not a fall, you didn't break
anything. You stumbled, it happens, we are human. Feel the love I have
for you (that all of us have for you) reaching out to you and know that
you are perfect right now, in this moment, the way your HP created you.
You are not a mistake. Don't beat yourself up, don't punish yourself.
You deserve better, you ARE better. You didn't break your abstinence.
Continue on with the journey and give up the illusion you have to have a
perfect abstinence or you are a failure. A slip is not a fall.
HUGS to YOU!!!!
Amy