My name is Amy, and I am a very grateful, recovering compulsive overeater and food addict, brought to my knees and having found desperation, I am gratefully abstinent & in recovery today.
This How it works passage is so amazing to me. I don't think I will ever have 100% complete honesty with myself, God, or my fellows...but I try. The more I work the program, the more honest I become. It really does work. There are more layers to this onion than I could even concieve of so I don't bother trying too, I just peel the layer I am on. Like with most onions I shed some tears, but fortunately I love onions! There is sweetness there too.
My first time around in OA I truly was one of the failures. The only thing I did right was come to meetings....but after awhile I gave up on that too. I did not work the steps, I never put down the food, I did not befriend the abstinent, only the bingers like me, I just did not work the program. I gained weight in OA and my food spun out of control.
This time around in OA I was desperate to recover. I had to be put on my knees with nowhere else to go, backed into a corner, before I was willing to follow the "suggestions" of the program. The BB wisdom is so brilliant...no requirements....just "suggestions". They knew my addict brain would rebel against requirements. The truth is however, that if you want the promises of the program, you MUST follow the suggestions. Half measures avail us nothing. I needed to have the wind knocked out of me before I would follow the suggestions given. I came back to OA desperate enough to follow, and behold, I have the promises. There is nothing special about me, all are called, few CHOOSE to answer the call, but all can.
Today I am one of the winners. I greet & befriend newcomers, because they keep me green. I share what I have with those who are currently unable to put down the food, because I I need to share recovery in order to keep it. I stick with the winners when it comes to working my program, because I want to continue being one of them.
When I was morbidly obese I used to ask my fellow obese dieters what they were doing. I heard a man, I think it was Covert Bailey, talk about this phenomenon. He said words to the effect that, if you are fat and want to be thin....don't ask what a fat person does to lose weight, ask what a thin person does not to gain it!"
OA is like that for me. I ask and do what those who have abstinence and have maintained it longer than me do. Then I do it!! It has worked for me so far. I am saddened when, in my f2f meetings, I see people share the same share, week after week, never realizing they are doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. This is the definition of insanity. I can only share my ESH and pray they keep coming back until they have the strength to follow the suggestions. But I do not allow myself to dwell in the problem with them, I instead to live in the solution.
Thank you for reading,